Help right now.
Immediate first aid for the pain of loneliness.
Start here
This page is for people who are experiencing profound loneliness right now. If you want to resolve loneliness and building a life full of authentic social connection, you might be asking: where do I start? What can I do right away to get a moment that’s free from all the pain and emotion and anxiety? The page has the best answers I could find, in the best order I can find.
First, take just a moment to slow down.
The worst part of loneliness – and especially the anxiety that comes with it – is the feeling that you’re completely out of balance and out of control. Before you do anything, stop yourself for just a second and get just a little of that balance back. You can do this. Start by taking a deep breath and reminding yourself of the following:
- It’s ok to feel this way. Millions of people around the world are feeling the same way, right now. Feeling lonely is as normal as feeling hunger or thirst; it’s something everyone feels at times in their lives. It’s not something to be ashamed of, any more than you would feel ashamed for being hungry.
- This feeling is temporary. It might seem like it will go on forever, but it won’t. Ever been really hungry and all you can think about is your hunger? That’s where you are right now. This won’t go on forever. You will get through this.
Next, and most important: find someone to listen
Real loneliness is about the feeling that you don’t matter, that there’s a big hole in your life and you can’t fill it. That nobody cares, and maybe you even feel like you’re defective and it’s natural and justified that people don’t care. Here’s the important thing to know about those feelings: your brain is lying to you. This isn’t bullshit – it’s a fact documented by research. When you are deeply lonely, your brain lies to you.
So in order to get through this, you can’t rely on your own brain. You wouldn’t rely on a broken leg to walk, so you need to realize that you can get through this, but you can’t do it using just your own brain. You need to get help. I will say it again: if you’re deeply lonely, some of what you need to hear to start helping yourself has to come outside your own brain.
Fortunately, there are trained people who want to listen. All of the sources below will connect you to people who are trained in being able to listen. Because the first challenge in getting help is always, “can I afford this?”, the following sources are all free and confidential.
